THE PRESIDENTIAL DEBATE PRODUCES WINNERS AND LOSERS

THE PRESIDENTIAL DEBATE PRODUCES WINNERS AND LOSERS

I met my friend Foley at the Starbucks near Bloomington High School South.  It was a warm day so I ordered a vanilla bean frappachino.  Foley stayed with a mocha latte.

“Did you watch the debate last night?”  I asked.

“All of it.  Both the failed four and the main event,” replied Foley

“Were there any clear winners, Foley?”

“Trump by far.”

“Why so”, I asked.  “He seemed poorly informed on issues.”

“The others ganged up on him so he got to reply more than any of the others. Jindal sounded like a jilted lover.  Fiorina was like a harpie.  Bush was too busy defending his brother.  Walker was too busy busting unions and bragging about it.  Only Trump talked about making America great again.”

“I thought he was thin on specifics for foreign policy.”

“That’s because policy wonks are useless for foreign affairs, Elof”

“So who should make those policies?”

“Deal makers.  Trump has a play book, Art of the Deal. That and the Bible are the only books you need to make America Great Again.”

“Why the Bible?”

  “Simple”, Elof, “to let heathens know that the Book is on our side.”  

“I thought Fiorina was more informed than Trump, didn’t you, Foley?

“I was too busy trying to listen to her between her whistles to know what she was saying”.

“What about Huckabee?”

“Saying the Bible is important, like Trump does, is like saluting the flag, it’s an OK thing.  But quoting from the Bible makes you a minister.  You don’t do that as President, you do that as a pastor in church. “

“What about Cruz?”

“He’s like that Hungarian in My Fair Lady.  He oils himself across the floor.”

TRUMP APPEALS TO A FAN WHO LIKES A STRAIGHT SHOOTER (TAKE COVER)

I hadn’t seen my alter ego, Foley, in several weeks and was glad to see him at the Post Office. ”Who do you like among the Republican candidates?” I asked.   

“Trump, by far.”

“What’s attractive about him?

“He tells it like it is.  I like his building a wall across the southern border of the US and Mexico.”

‘Would it be like the Berlin Wall or like the Great Wall of China?”

“It would be better than both.  It would be impregnable.”

“You mean like the Maginot line?”

“No, no. It will be about 30 feet tall and five feet thick with detectors for anyone trying to dig a tunnel under it. And every fifty feet there will be huge letters on it saying TRUMP.”  That will scare them off."

“Wouldn’t that money be put to better use for our infrastructure repairs and expansion?” 

“No way. Trump is a businessman and he knows how to make deals. Besides he’ll make America admired again.”

“Isn’t that what the Republican Presidents, Harding, Coolidge, and Hoover said when they ran a campaign of ‘Back to Normalcy’ and ‘The business of America is business?’ And didn’t their policies of unregulated laissez faire lead to the excesses that caused the Wall Street crash of 1929?”

 “Not at all,” said Foley.  “These are just natural adjustments to the market, like weather cycles. It’s like Adam Smith’s invisible hand.  Usually it guides us to everyone’s benefit but sometimes it gives us the fickle finger. Humans can’t prevent these cycles from occurring but we know to respond to them.”

“And how do we do that?” I asked.

“Let the market remain unregulated and when a bust occurs have the government bail out the biggest banks and corporations.”

“Why bail out them and not the smaller investors and corporations?”

“Because billionaires are too big to allow to fail.  Ask any billionaire.”