CREATION SCIENCE IS AN OXYMORON (AT LEAST TO SCIENTISTS)

I was nursing a croissant and a cup of coffee at the Barnes and Noble Starbucks in Bloomington, Indiana, when my alter ego, Foley showed up.  “What are you reading, Elof?” he asked.

“A new biography of August Weismann,” I replied.

“What did he do?”

“He was a major contributor to biology in the nineteenth century. He promoted Darwin’s theory of evolution in Germany.” 

“You still believe in that, Elof?  Don’t you know that Creation Science demolished the theory of evolution?”

“And how, Foley, did it do that?”

“It found an eye witness account of the Creation.”

“Really?  Who was that?”

“God.  He dictated the Pentateuch or Torah in the Old Testament to Moses”.

“Foley, the oldest known written Bible was written about 800 BCE. If Creation Science claims the universe is only 8 to 10 thousand years old, how did Moses get all of those books of the Bible transmitted for the next eight thousand years?”

“No problem, Elof.  They used griots.”

“Griots?”

“Yeah, you know those guys in Africa who passed on centuries of genealogy so Alex Haley in Roots could write about his ancestors who came over as slaves.  There were Hebrew griots, too.  The Greeks did the same thing for the Iliad and the Odyssey.”

“Foley, I could say the same is true  for the history of the Gilgamesh epic. Do you accept that fight between Gilgamesh and Enkidu actually happened?”

“No, because God is real and Enkidu and Gilgamesh are myths.”

“What makes you claim that?”

“God.  He won and nobody worships Gilgamesh or those Greek and Roman Gods. Winner takes all says I. And that means the Book of Genesis is an eyewitness account of Creation.  Evolution loses”.

“Doesn’t it bother you that Genesis says plant life (including seed-bearing vegetation and fruit trees) is created on day three and that the sun, moon, and stars are created on day four?  Do you really believe that the earth is older than the sun and the stars?”   

“Your problem, Elof, is that you’re stuck with a theory of evolution by natural selection, and a theory of cosmology that has stars forming from nebulous gasses.  You have theories.  I have the facts.”

“How can you call that biblical sequence factual, Foley?  Angiosperms on day three before all the animals existed?  The fossil record shows that angiosperms were among the last of the plant groups to evolve long after the earth was crawling with animals. The sun and stars after the earth is formed?  Among 100 billion stars in our galaxies each with one or more planets, our earth was the first object to be created  in what became the Milky Way?  And no mention that the Milky Way is just one of 100 billion galaxies in the universe!   And you call that Creation Science?”

“Sorry Elof.  You lose.  In a court of law, I would have an eyewitness, God.  And He is the one unimpeachable witness.  You swear on His book, don’t you, to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth!

 

  

THE LINE UP BEGINS FOR PRESIDENTIAL MUG SHOTS

I was surprised to see my friend Foley at this week’s Freethinkers meeting that I attended at the Unitarian Universalist Church in Bloomington.  “What’s on your mind?” I asked.

“The 2016 elections worry me, Elof”

“Do you expect the Republicans to lose?”

“No, at least I hope not.  But my favorite candidate might not get the nomination.”

“Who is your favorite candidate?”

“Governor Christie.”

“You can’t be serious,” I said.  “Christie is a union-busting bully.”

“That’s good,” Foley smiled.

“He’s an obnoxious loud mouth.”

“The better to square off with European wimp leaders and Dictators who hate America,“ Foley  pointed out.

“He’s corrupt and under several investigations for criminal behavior as a governor, dispensing financial favors and meting out illegal punishments to critics,” I counter-pointed out.

“What’s he supposed to do?  Kiss his enemies and blow off his friends?  Politics is not for sissies.”

“His fiscal policies have depleted New Jersey of income and caused damage to its credit rating.”

“Elof, those who sponge off the government seeking handouts don’t like being told to get off their rear ends and find a job.”

“What about the Democrats, Foley, which candidate do you fear most?” 

“I don’t fear any of them.  Hillary Clinton and Elizabeth Warren are out because guys don’t want to salute a skirt.  Joe Biden is out because a cloud of doom is always hanging over his head. Bernie Sanders?  Are you kidding? A socialist has less chance of being elected than a fascist in this country.”

“If Christie is indicted before the Republican convention, who is your next choice?  Donald Trump?”

“Nah, he comes across as a snake oil salesman.”

“Bobby Jindal”?

“No, he acts like a frightened deer staring at headlights”.

“Rick Santorum”

“No, he takes his orders from the Vatican”.

“Jeb Bush?”

“Too many Bushes, ask his Mom”.

“Mitt Romney?”

“Never repeat a loser”.

“Scott Walker?”

“No way.  He takes his orders from the ghost of Ayn Rand.”

“Rand Paul?”

“Ditto, he’s cursed with her name.”

“Ted Cruz?”

“Who’s going to vote for a guy who looks like Dracula?”

“So, Foley, what will you do after 2016 if Christie isn’t President?”

“I guess I’ll be saluting a skirt.”

PERSONHOOD IS IN THE EYE OF THE BEHOLDER

              My alter ego, Foley, showed up at a park bench in front of the Great Tabernacle in Ocean Grove, New Jersey.  “Hi, Foley,” I greeted him.  “What’s new to talk about?”  Foley grumped, “Personhood.”  “What about it?” I asked.

              “It begins at conception,” he said.

              “Do you mean implantation into the endometrium of the uterus from the oviduct or do you mean fertilization in the oviduct?” I asked.  “Don’t get smart,” Foley said.  “You know what I mean -- when an egg gets poked by a sperm.  That’s when a soul enters and personhood begins.”

 “Oh,” said I, “So that means identical twins, who form after the egg gets ‘poked’, sometimes as late as implantation in the uterus, have identical souls?” 

 “Damn you, Elof, you always try to twist a simple clear answer into these nutty situations.” 

              “I’m sorry, Foley.  I just don’t think of personhood as an event.  I think of it as a process.”

              “What’s that supposed to mean?”

              “A baby slowly acquires a vocabulary in its first year.  It also begins to recognize parents and others in the household. The personality of a toddler differs as much from the newborn, as the child shifting into pre-school.  The seven year old differs from the teenager. I am almost 84 and differ from myself at 21 when I was a young adult.”

              “Tell me, Foley, if personhood is an event that occurs at fertilization, how do you respond to the Supreme Court that conferred personhood on corporations?”

              “That was a good thing, Elof.” 

  “Why so?” I asked. 

 “Because corporations should have the same political rights as individual citizens,” he replied.

              “Isn’t that stacking things in favor of the corporation’s power over the individual’s power?” I asked. 

              Foley scoffed, “That’s your liberal problem Elof.  You just don’t respect the intelligence of people. If you don’t like the candidates that corporations support, don’t vote for them.  It doesn’t matter if it’s one ad or one hundred ads, you’ll still vote who you prefer.”

              “And tell me Foley, how does the individual distinguish distortions and lies from facts presented in political ads?”   

              “That’s the voters’s choice.  The voters can go the library and do their own fact checking.”

              “And how, Foley, does a candidate run for office if the candidate represents the people’s interests over the corporations interests?”

              “You liberals want it handed to you on a platter, don’t you?  Why don’t you just ring a lot of doorbells and get your message across?  Don’t pick on corporations.”

              “So let me get this straight.  Personhood begins with fertilization for the individual and personhood begins when incorporation takes place for corporations.  For individual people you say that personhood is identified with the soul. Is there a corporate soul that coexists with the personhood of a corporation?”

              “Why should I bother answering that, Elof?”

              “I thought you might claim that corporate souls are endowed with original sin.”